He flashes me a smile, and I catch my breath in wonder. He giggles uncontrollably as I tickle his little feet, and we continue this playful banter for awhile. It doesn't take much to amuse my nine month old son: a funny face or a game of peek-a-boo does the trick; it's not the flashing lights, or the battery operated toys. We don't have much space or finances for fancy toys, but our hearts are big and filled with love.
Sometimes the thought of raising my son in this culture scares me. As I watch my son giggle, or make swimming motions on the floor several questions flood my mind: when did we decide it was "progress" to trade one-on-one interaction for over-crowed daycares? When did we think that peers raising peers would be better than teaching respect for elders? When did we decide it was beneath us to make healthy home cooked meals, and a sign of wealth to consume overly processed, chemically laden, convenience food? When did children become nuisances in adult social gatherings? When did we decide that acquiring things for our kids is more important than spending time with them?
I recently read an article in a pop culture parenting magazine that said, "parents today don't want to spend the few hours they have with their children disciplining them." I don't know why I read this stuff, and sometimes I can't believe that this is really what my culture says. Yet, I keep reading.
I am scared I am going to make a lot of mistakes in parenting, and I am sure that this fear will be true. I am not sure how I am going to drown out the loud, piercing voices of my culture, but I do know this: tomorrow I am going to wake up and spend time with my son. I am going to tickle his feet, and celebrate the little steps of growth. I am going to keep on making up songs, and whispering prayers for my son.
4 comments:
mel, i think you've found the secret of solid parenting: fear of failure. :) and fear of God. combined, those two will keep you trying your best. and that's what matters, right? love you.
So true. It is hard to sort out all the voices as to how we should parent our children. I agree with canvaschild. A healthy fear can keep us on track, along with a whole lot of grace for the mistakes we will inevitably make.
Wow! That was beautiful Melanie! I forgot what an amazing writer you are! You just said everything that I fear about being a parent in the future, and you did it so eloquently!
Just the fact that you admit to fears like this means that you care deeply... Melanie, I know you are the most wonderful and loving mom! I can't wait to meet Thomas!!
Love,
Crystal Nataraj
i think those same thoughts. i enjoyed reading your insights and ponderings.
what i have been learning lately is that even if i do the best job my kids could very well choose the wide path in life. OR i could screw up royally and they could walk the narrow path. either way, God is in it. all i can do is remind myself that "apart from Me you can do nothing." God has not called me to raise the "perfect" child ... but he has called me to manage the blessings He has given me and to strive to please Him in all that I do.
it seems like the days i feel that i have done nothing of value in raising my kids or being a wife I get a reminder from him that i am not supposed to ... he helps pick me up and dusts me off and we keep walking.
i love reading your blog, girl. i learn so much from you. may God walk with you today as your parent and as you wife (that's a new verb, didn't you know?:))
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