Smaller and worse

I see people aspiring for the American dream all around me. Just the other day I heard, "when we get that job, then we will get that bigger house." It's all about augmenting ones income, status, and possessions. This desire to increase reminds me of a game we used to play in youth group, "bigger and better". We would start out with something seemingly worthless such as a toothpick, and visit people's home in hopes to gain something a little bit larger or more valuable. On one occasion we obtained a couch after starting out with a matchstick.

Lately, I have been wondering if it is ingrained in us to increase, to become better, to strive and find meaning in size. For, the big house, fancy car, expensive clothes, and letters behind our name surely must mean that we have become powerful, worthy of respect, and have achieved greatness. But what if life is about getting smaller and "worse" in the eyes of the world?

When I read Scripture I encounter paradoxical statements that seem to support this notion of becoming smaller, "…whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many." (Jesus in Matthew 20:26-28) In another passage, the disciple John states in reference to Christ, "He must become greater, I must become less (John 3:30), and on another occasion Jesus states, "But many who are first will be last, and the last first." (Mark 10:31). These passages seem to say that true greatness is not found in increasing, but in decreasing and in turn allowing Christ to increase in us.

A year ago, my sister-in-law sold everything she had and started making plans to live in much "less desirable" conditions. She is now learning how to live in another culture, doing laundry by hand, and living in a smaller (but beautiful) house. She's a nurse and could have a very comfortable life in America, but she has chosen to decrease. I just saw a picture of her the other day, and her face seems to glow with a secret delight. Perhaps she has discovered a key to life. One day Ryan and I desire to leave this land as well. I have often imagined that life will get worse, and have heard people say that my son will never get a proper education, and that we are going "backwards", but what if getting worse is actually better?

Do we need to leave this land to decrease? I should think not. Ryan and I have a few more years here, and we need to prayer for the right attitude. Perhaps decreasing is an attitude, a prayer, a plea in desperation. I don't know. But, today I desire to decrease—to become smaller and worse. This does not mean that I am going to just "let myself go", eat potato chips and watch soap operas all day long. Quite the contrary, I will work hard, and pursue the tasks that are in front of me with (hopefully) diligence. I will continue to learn, attempt new things, and work toward goals. Perhaps the only difference will be a prayer, "Lord, help me to decrease, so that you can increase in me, for somehow there is true life and joy in this paradox." AMEN.